Out of my league

Is it normal to feel boxed out by your colleagues?

I got this feeling last January, although I’ve tried my best efforts to be included in their circle. Last Friday nailed it all to the coffin, when we were supposed to set up our event venue for our incoming event only to find out that they’ve mapped out on who’s doing what without telling me.

My colleague told me that I haven’t had my part since the event (is supposed to be scheduled today but was cancelled due to inclement weather) coincides with my classes. And that they understand if I won’t be able to come.

Which I have feelings of guilt and suspicion. Guilt in a sense that I knew that I have to do something but I didn’t get any footing for a job. Suspicious in a sense that they wanted to box me out of it so they could’ve been given proper credit.

I feel bad for badmouthing them since they’ve been good and all, but I can’t help but to be. Besides, I got this feeling that they have been implicitly tuning me out, which strengthen my resolve to resign. It feels like my work has been slipping out of my fingers ever since I felt that way.

Either way, I’m out of their league after all.

This has been bothering me for the last 24 hours, and it seems that poetry wouldn’t suffice conveying my heavy heart after all.

I decided to post this since I’m trying my best to keep up with my hundred-days writing challenge. I’m sorry if I opted to rant rather than to write poems or stories. I just wanted to blow off some steam before I face the ugliness that is my fraying self-esteem once again.

Until then, I will try to post more stories/poems/whatever my mind (and hand) conjures. Cheers!

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